Andy Valentine Says...

Bike Mod Project #3 – Finished

Andy Valentine — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 15:40:01 +0000

You’ve heard me go on about this for the last month or so, but finally the Chopper Mod Project is finally complete.

I hit a bit of a snag a week or so ago when I threaded a crank and a pedal fell off, but today the replacement arrived, marking the final piece in the modification puzzle. Before I show you the nooks and crannies, here’s a little ‘before and after’ shot so you can see what I’ve done.

Not too shabby, right?

A rough list of all of the changes (in no particular order is)

Stripping the original paint and hand spraying a custom design (with ‘#1′ and original mk1 decals)
Cleaned and repolished the cranks, sissy bar, parcel shelf and nuts
New white wall tyres
Painting the inner of the rims, spokes and nipples black
Addition of a honky honky horn
Replacing the old grips with new ones to match the paint job
New left crank arm
New WellGo black metal pedals
Removal of rear brake
Single speed conversion and removal of gearing
Addition of retro looking mirrors
Addition of 5′ flagpole and pirate flag
Addition of circular rear lights to match the rear reflector
Addition of blue LED valve caps (that make a nice Tron-esque glow)

I’ll admit there are still a couple of changes that I’m going to make down the line. Firstly, I’ll be removing the horn and putting on what’s called a “ding dong bell” (you’ll understand when you’ll see a video of it doing it’s thing), and I’m contemplating changing the wheels to black SkyWay Tuff Mags. We’ll see.

Anyway, I’m done for now, so check it out.

Filed under: Bristol, Life, Photos Tagged: bike, Bike Mod Project, custom, mark 3, modification, paint job, Raleigh Chopper, white wall tyres

The most painful thing I ever did, I paid for.

Andy Valentine — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 14:55:30 +0000

Considering that I was a typical boy growing up; breaking bones, cracking skulls and generally abusing my body (or ‘doing my own stunts’ as I prefer to call it), I’d never reached my pain threshold before. That point of pain that’s so severe that you just want whatever it is to stop. This week – for the first time ever – not only did I hit it, and push through it, but I also paid for the privilege too.

Now if my mum is reading this, don’t worry, I’ve not converted to sadism or self-harm quite yet, unless you consider repeatedly jabbing some of the most sensitive parts of your body for half a day sadism, which wouldn’t be a totally unfair point.

I am of course, referring to the fourth instalment of my ever growing tattoo collection. In this months edition I sat through six hours of having my elbow, tricep and full wrap around the underarm completed, and bugger me it was painful.

I’ll say this first and foremost. Don’t under any circumstances have a six hour tattoo session in one sitting. I was trying to be Billy Big Balls, and I’ll admit I gave it all the “la de da, I’ll be fine” speak, despite the advice of my friends, and I was very very wrong to do so. After three or four hours, your adrenaline is totally and utterly drained, you’re red and sore, and every time someone even cleans you up it feels like sandpaper rubbing over your skin. Then, you have to do a further two or three hours with that as you’re starting point. It’s not clever, and I’ll not be doing it again. Three hours at the most from now on.

Then, moving on to the areas in question. The tricep – generally speaking – was fine. Not a particularly painful area, but it was a bit sore after a couple of hours. The point of the elbow, again, was fine, as was the majority of the middle of the bicep. The skin around the point of the elbow though, and the top of the inner bicep up near the armpit, were something else altogether.

I (maybe foolishly) had put a checkerboard pattern (a common piece of filler design for my left sleeve) around my underarm, so once the lines had gone down in what is a highly sensitive area anyway, it then had to be shaded. Excuse my French, but fuck me it was painful. Without question, it’s the worst pain I’ve ever sat through. Every ounce of me wanted to stop, but I knew I had to get through it, so I just controlled my breathing, crushed a Lucozade bottle in one hand and bit down on another and pushed through. Bear in mind that I was about five hours in at this point too. Don’t get me wrong, it was worth it in the end, but I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. Suffice to say I shouted and swore a lot.

Then, when that was done, I had to have the eye that I’d had on my elbow shaded. Oh. My God. Much the same, swearing and biting down on things was required. When I got home, my elbow was massive. I couldn’t believe how much it had swollen up. Now, two days later, it’s only just about back to normal. It’s still all sore though, especially the inner arm. I made the mistake of going to a packed club last night and despite my best efforts it got banged much more often that I would have liked, each time causing me to let out a little (albeit manly) yelp.

Anyway, after all this jabber, I expect you’d like to see the fruits of all this labour. Bear in mind I took these just after getting back from the studio, so I was still really red and sore. I’ll take some more next week once it’s died down and the redness has gone. Things to look for – in a Where’s Wally fashion – and their meanings include:

A vintage 50′s mic (my new favourite part of the piece, though it needs finishing next session) because I’m a musician and like singing.
The Mario Mushroom, because it gave Mario super strength, which is something I think we all need to feel occasionally.
The joker playing card, which completes my ‘perfect poker hand’ deck (I have all the aces elsewhere) and because I like magic.
And reversed pair of wings, just because I liked them
A moth, because they’re misunderstood creatures, and despite not being considered as ‘pretty’ as the butterfly, they’re stronger, faster, more agile, live longer and so many other things, which is the way I feel a lot of the time
A plectrum that I let my artist ‘Deano’ put his signature in
Two hand-prints and two paw-prints in a line, symbolising me, Miss Monster and my two kittens, Lori and Tilly
A heart wearing some headphones, for a love of music
An eyeball on my elbow (which will eventually be blue), just because I wanted it
Various bits of checkerboard / musical notes / fire / water / star filler
And last but not least, a rose with a moustache, purely because I though it looked very very funny, and if the reactions I’ve got so far are anything to go by, I’m right.

My Sherlock ending theory

Andy Valentine — Sun, 15 Jan 2012 23:50:53 +0000

Just a quick post this, but after rewatching it I think I’ve figured this “how did Sherlock do it?” thing.

When Sherlock first looks over the edge and asks “for a moment by myself”, there’s a bus parked alongside the hospital. After a minute or so, and next time we look down, there’s a lorry full of bin bags there. He was obviously stalling.
Also, he wanted Watson to stand in a specific place where he knew that he could see him on the roof, but not on the ground, as he directed him exactly to the spot where he was standing and told him to “keep your eyes on me” (probably so he didn’t see the bait and switch that I’m about to talk about).

Now, look at when he jumps. WAY too far from the building considering where he is supposed to have landed (also, jumping forwards, despite the body being side on), and as we pan to the body, the lorry is driving away, I suspect with his body in it.

So, who is on the ground then? Well, his double. His double being the guy that Moriarty used to kidnap the children, hence the being scared of his face despite “never meeting him before”. I’m assuming a double as opposed to a mask at this point, as I expect a mask to be too loose of a plot line. That said, in the last episode, “The Hounds of Baskerville”, whilst in the Baskerville facility, “human cloning” was mentioned. Could be a bit tenuous, but you never know.
He went to Molly just before the end so that he could ask her a favour so that she could perform the autopsy and “verify” his death, even though it didn’t occur.

That’s what I think anyway.

UPDATE: Also, I just realised that he was being buried in a Churchyard at the end. You can’t bury suicides in a Churchyard.

Filed under: Life, Thoughts Tagged: BBC, death, ending, series 2, Sherlock, spoiler, The Reichenbach Fall, theories, theory, TV

The joy of ink

Andy Valentine — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 14:16:43 +0000

Since I started getting ‘inked’, I’ve become semi-obsessed with the “Ink” series – Miami Ink, LA Ink and London Ink – mainly LA Ink. I’ve found that it does both incredibly positive, but also quite misguided things for the perception of tattooing.

On the positive side, it shows that not all people with tattoos are thugs. The complete range of people that step into the stores to get artwork done show that societies perception of the kind of people that have tattoos has shifted. It used to be highly associated with prison, gangs and so on; but these days, most tattoos done are (or at least seem to be) commemorative pieces of loved ones, or a way of holding onto a special memory, and that’s nice to see. It’s really good to show that you don’t have to be a down-and-out degenerative to get ink on your body, and that hopefully the stigmata assosicated with them is on the move. I’d like to see a day when anyone can look any way that they like, and they’re judged on their actions, rather than their appearance.

Negatively though, I’ve watched four series of LA Ink, three series of Miami Ink and one series of London Ink, and I’m yet to see someone step through the shop doors and say “I just want to have this tattoo because it looks good”.
That’s why I have my artwork. Sure, there are little bits dotted around in it that have some significance to my life, but there are bits I’ve had done just because I thought it looked awesome. Like “Skully”, one of the most central pieces of my left sleeve. He ‘means’ nothing, I just like his big stupid gawping skull face. That’s all.

Same way as I’m going to get the Adventure Time waving snail hidden on me. No reason other than it’s funny. And isn’t that the point?

Filed under: Fashion, Life Tagged: Adventure Time, art, ink, LA Ink, London Ink, Miami Ink, Snail, tattoo

Spray and pray

Andy Valentine — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 14:40:38 +0000

Yet another Chopper related post. No real text this time though, just some videos that I made of the process thus far. It might help explain why I’ve done each step, if you’re interested in that sort of thing.

Filed under: Life, Video Tagged: bike, Bike Mod Project, modification, paint, project, Raleigh Chopper

Stripping completely naked in the carpark

Andy Valentine — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 22:18:33 +0000

It took hours more than I expected, but I finally managed to strip down completely bare whilst in my carpark.

I’m on about the Chopper frame, obviously. (Yes, I’ve stumped that low to sexing up and whoring out my SEO.)

Due to some rather silly errors by myself, it ended up taking almost fifteen hours to get the frame down to bare metal; the primary error being that I only left the NitroMorse (paint-stripper) on for forty minutes (as instructed on the can), when in hindsite (and as I discovered when altering tactics on day two), leaving it on two to three hours meant that the paint came off much easier.

Hours and hours of paint-stripping, scraping, sanding, knifing, and all sorts later, the frame was bare.

Now, both coats of the primer has been applied to the entire frame and the primary Ford Daytona Yellow paint has been applied to the mudguards for the ‘racing stripe’ (yellow stripe down a black mudguard). Suffice to say, it’s starting to get there. I’ll be doing the primary yellow on the main frame, the forks and the chainguard tomorrow. Excitin’.

Filed under: Life, Photos Tagged: bike, Bike Mod Project, custom, mk3, modific, NitroMorse, paint, Raleigh Chopper

Bike Mod Project #3 – Part 1

Andy Valentine — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 22:15:31 +0000

A rather particular title for this post, but being at this is an ongoing project, it seemed like the only way to correctly do it and track the progress timeline.

Today, I began the construction – well, the deconstruction – of the Chopper, ready to begin painting in the next couple of days. Now, this is a process I’ve done a dozen times before, but I’m all for imparting knowledge onto others (often, whether they ask for it or not), so as an added relationship booster, I enlisted the help of Miss Monster for this part of the project whilst teaching her how bikes work and how to take them apart.
I figure that by teaching her a few things about bikes, if she ever breaks down in the middle of nowhere she’ll be a little better equipped to deal with the issue and get on the move again.

With that in mind, we took the Chopper down to our private underground carpark (a space that is ideal for jobs like this), and armed with my bag of tools, we began to take the thing to bits.

For the most part, it was a smooth job. The bars, seats, brakes, gears and wheels all came off with little effort, and being the obsessive compulsive that I am, I had Miss Monster put all the screw and bolts into separately labelled zip bags so that I know where they’re supposed to go when it comes to putting it all together again. The cranks on the other hand did not want to come off without a fight. Cranks are notoriously tricky at the best of times, even with a proper crank remover, but the fact that I couldn’t find my 18mm wrench meant I had to use a plumbers wrench to turn the tool. That – I assure you – is not easy.

Anyway, I got it all to bits in the end, and I’m looking forward to stripping the frame with the good ol’ NitroMorse tomorrow (as well as getting a quote for rechroming the mudguards and the handlebars).

For now though, here’s an updated picture or two (or three).

Filed under: Life Tagged: bicycle, Bike Mod Project, mk3, pink, Raleigh Chopper, respray

Andy Valentine — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 12:58:39 +0000

I can’t talk about this any better then Miss Monster did – http://mistressofmonsters.wordpress.com/2012/01/02/a-monster-year-2/

Filed under: Bristol, Life, Photos Tagged: couples, love, memories, relationships

Cocked, locked and ready to chop(per)

Andy Valentine — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 12:44:17 +0000

I’ve always been heavy into bikes and cycling. When I was a kid, every Sunday when my dad was out cleaning his car I’d be there alongside him, detailing my bicycles. One year, my dad got a book that was called something like “The Complete Guide to Bicycle Maintenance”, and I eagerly read it cover to cover. From that point on, I was hooked on figuring out the ins and outs of exactly how my bikes work.

Skip forward to 2003 and for the first time I built a bike from scratch. I got a frame, bottom brackets, forks, brakes, gears, wheels, tubes, hubs, cabling and everything else I needed to construct a custom low-ride chopper; which I successfully did. Then in 2008, I did another. And now, as we enter 2012, I’m about to start my third. In this instance though, I’m not building the bike, just modifying one.

So, what is the ideal base for this modification project? What else could be more me; more eccentric, more retro, more casual, than the Raleigh Chopper. With that in mind, I’ve just purchased this puppy.

Yes, it’s currently bright pink. I’ll admit, riding it home for the first time whilst wearing a top hat and tails (as I often do) with cowboy boots meant that I got a few weird looks; not that it bothers me anymore.

The intention is to do the following:
Take it to pieces (and I mean completely to pieces), strip and repaint the frame in Ford Datona Yellow with new black decals (that I’ve ordered from Raleigh), have the mudflaps, handlebars and sissy bar professionally re-chromed (as I don’t have the facilities to do them myself), replace the grips and pedals with different ones, add new white wall tyres and potentially (I’ve not 100% decided yet) strip out the gear system to make it a single speed. Then it’s the simple case of adding lights, an aerial with flag and a few other special things that I’m keeping a secret for now.

There are a few things that I might do, such as replace the spokes and nipples with custom coloured ones (probably black), but only if I can find them in the right size, as well as a few extra bits and bobs; but it’s safe to say that when it’s finished it’s going to be sickeningly good. Watch this space for the progress.

Filed under: Fashion, Life, Thoughts Tagged: bicycle, Bike Mod Project, mk3, modification, pink, project, Raleigh Chopper, yellow

A two hour tattooing upsell

Andy Valentine — Sat, 17 Dec 2011 12:04:42 +0000

Yesterday, I went back to my tattoo studio with Miss Monster in order to have a tiny little design done – three (well, two and a half) Zelda style life hearts on my wrist (the half because no matter how much life you have, there’s always room for more), whilst Miss Monster intended to have the same two and a half hearts on her foot, but in a more traditional style.

When it came down to sitting in the chair though, we decided to get Miss Monsters’ entire intended foot piece done, so I opted to spend two hours myself getting parts added to my sleeve, namely the hearts, my favourite lyric from a song, and some Space Invaders that are dropping bombs shaped in the letters of my parents and my brother (I, L and S).

I guess I’ll just show you the outcome. That will save a lot of time! Be good to know what you think so far.

Also, I finished designing how it’s going to wrap around my arm (a stage that I’m getting done in the new year).

Filed under: Fashion, Life Tagged: family, ink, sentimental, sleeve, Space Invaders, tattoo